Show us your singles: Beth

I am one of Kelly's success stories. I am engaged after meeting J a year ago through Kelly's Korner. So I continue to post about my single friends. Today, I'm going to tell you about my best friend from high school, Beth.

Beth, 29, Nashville

Beth is one of my favorite people in the world, and I'm so glad she gave me permission to write about her. Beth and I have been friends for going on 15 years. Most of that time we haven't lived anywhere near each other, but with a few visits a year and phone calls in between, she remains my closest friend.

Beth, far right, and I at a Beth Moore conference in 2010.

Beth lived in D.C. for seven years after college working in government and a think tank. She moved to Nashville about a year ago after completing her masters in communication. Returning to her home state of Tennessee (we're both from the Chattanooga area) was a tough decision, but she enjoys her current job in state government and liked Nashville so much she recently bought a house there.

Beth is an artist on the side — painting for friends and family, drawing my save the dates — and my birthday cards are always unique.

Beth, right, kayaking with her mom.

Beth loves to be outside, and on the weekends, you'll find her biking or hiking. She is a world traveler. Most recently, she has traveled to Switzerland and South Africa to see friends.

She is outgoing and has a full social calendar, but she prioritizes spending quality time with people that she can have deeper conversations with. She will cut through the small talk pretty quickly. Lately, she has been showing off her new house with gatherings of friends.

Beth, left, with her sister, Katelyn.

Most importantly, Beth truly lives out her Christian faith in everything she does. When she first moved to D.C., she found a church and volunteered her time to lead a small group of high school girls. Even after those girls graduated, she kept up with them and continued to mentor them. In Nashville she is volunteering with The Next Door, a drug rehab program.

It has been such a blessing to me to have Beth walk alongside me for the last 15 years. She is the friend that knows me so well and isn't afraid to hold me accountable. She is beautiful inside and out and definitely worth getting to know.

If you or someone you know are interested in finding out more, leave a comment or send me an email.

It's been a while

Hello again blog world. I has the best of intentions for blogging over break, but somehow that never happened.

I had a wonderful 10 days off at the beginning of the break, and J and I got to be in Tennessee with my family for Christmas. Then I came back to work for the remainder of the break, so that time off is feeling like forever ago. But I'm ready for the semester to start and to return to my normal schedule and routine. I am teaching the same class I taught in the fall, so I am feeling mostly prepared. 

It's hard to believe this will be my last semester teaching. I will still spend the summer in the newsroom, but I won't be teaching. And then in the fall, I will be a full-time student.

Wedding plans are going well. A few nights ago, J asked me what we need to do next, and I didn't have an answer. We've wrapped up what we can for now, and I'm going back to Tennessee in March to make some final reception decisions and have a dress fitting. J is working on adding a master bedroom/bath to the house.

I'll end with a story. J and I don't go to bars. He doesn't drink, and in a college town, it's really not our scene. The two times we've been to bars together were for work functions for him. But on Friday night we decided to go to the country bar in town. We knew there are dance lessons there on Friday nights and thought that might be a good thing for us to try out. 

If you know me, you know I have no rhythm and I'm definitely not a dancer. And in that sense, J and I are a lot alike. Anyway, an EMT named DJ taught us a couple of line dances. We weren't great, but we tried. In one of the dances, there is a moment where you pause, and the EMT said that's when you shake. J, trying hard to follow all instructions, took that direction very seriously. I fell in love with him all over again watching him. No promises about our dancing at the wedding.

Birthday weekend

Hello again blog world. I'm still alive, just busy with the end of the semester and wedding plans. All of the big stuff for the wedding is done. I'll be doing a few things next week when I go home for Christmas, but it's all coming together really well.

Anyway, after the weekend we've had I thought it might be worth a blog post (and J actually suggested it). 

Friday was my birthday. I knew it was going to be a busy day at work, and I didn't even have time to go to lunch with coworkers. But it was also one of those bad news days. Most of the time the news of the day rolls off of me, but there were three fatal accidents overnight Thursday that we were reporting on. It was actually the fourth one this week, and it made for a tough day of work.

But J came over after work and gave me a beautiful watch for my birthday. 

It was his office holiday party, so we went to the Billiards Club for that. We had fun with his coworkers and playing pool. We ended the night by going out for dessert.

I've had a Groupon to go ice skating for a while, and I told J I wanted to go this weekend. The only public session was Sunday afternoon. So after lunch with church friends, we drove to the state capital to skate.

J was pretty shaky and fell a few times in the beginning, but he changed skates and was feeling more confident. After the break to resurface the ice, we went back out. On our second trip around, J lost his footing and fell hard, face first. He hit his head hard enough on the ice to knock him out. We are laughing about it now, but it scared me to death when he didn't move.

There were some great people that came to his rescue (because I totally froze), and the ice rink called 911. 

There was a pretty funny story about the guy that was the most helpful — he is actually a first responder in another county. He was trying to check J's cognitive abilities and asked J to remember his name — Ryan — and two other things. A few seconds later, Ryan asked J if he remembered his name. J looked at him, and said, "Charlie." It turns out this guy looked just like our friend Charlie who just got his EMT certification as part of his police academy training. J thought Charlie had come to his rescue, but really he just managed to make the guy helping him question his injury.

Anyway, J doesn't remember anything about the fall or the few minutes after, but he was back to himself soon enough. But he went ahead and took the ambulance ride, and we spent an hour and a half in the ER just to make sure he was OK. Everything came back clear — no broken bones and just a mild concussion. He did get stitched up and is wearing a brace for a sprained wrist. Here's the picture in the hospital after the stitches but before they cleaned up the blood on his face.

And back at his parents' house all cleaned up.

We're very glad it wasn't anything more serious, and hopefully, he doesn't wake up with too bad of a headache. But I don't think he'll be game for ice skating again anytime soon!

Independence

I have always been independent. Even as a kid I wanted to do everything for myself and had no fear. And going far away to school increased that independent streak. Since college, I've lived by myself and have pretty much been able to handle whatever comes my way. Sometimes it does require paying someone to fix things or complaining a lot to my landlord to get rid of a raccoon. But I'm proud of my ability to handle things on my own.

But the downside of that independence streak is that I can be a bit of a control freak. I don't like change, so I really like to be in control when my world is changing. I'm also afraid of being hurt, so I have tendency to try to control my relationships whether it's a friendship or a dating relationship. And by control I mean that I often put people in boxes and limit who they are to me and what our friendship/relationship could be.

But when J came along, I handled it differently. In some cases, it was intentional and some of it not, but it opened the door to much more than I expected.

The Monday after J and I's first date, it snowed a few inches. I woke up to an email from him asking if he could come shovel my driveway. My first reaction was "no way." I didn't want to let down my guard and show that I needed something. I had parked at the end of my driveway so I could get out easily and resolved the situation in my own mind. But I forwarded it to a friend, and she immediately replied and said, "Your answer is yes and have some hot chocolate ready for when he is done." I took her advice and let him come shovel the driveway that evening. He drank hot chocolate with me, and we got more time to talk and get to know each other. And it was the beginning of me letting down my guard.

On our first date, we met at the restaurant, but after that he started picking me up for our dates. He opened the truck door for me every time, and I would even wait for him to come around and open it when we were getting out. (He still opens the truck door for me, but I'm not as patient anymore in getting out of the truck.)

I always let him call me, and while I suggested a few date ideas and the occasional restaurant, he generally came up with the plans for our dates and we had (and still have) a lot of fun on all of them. There were other things where he took the initiative, and I pushed down the desire to assert my independence. Basically, I let him be the guy.

This doesn't mean I became someone I wasn't or let him control me. I just stayed away from my defense mechanism of asserting my independence and trying to take control of everything to try to avoid being hurt (which really doesn't work anyway). And honestly, those things weren't healthy on my part.

In return, he treated me better than I had ever expected from someone. He didn't play games with me. He called when he said he would call. He surprised me with thoughtful gestures and sometimes gifts. He was clear about how he felt about me and where we stood in our relationship. He took the lead in our relationship, and it gave me a picture of what he would be like as a husband and leader in a family.

A few months into our relationship, he told me that he really appreciated me letting him be the guy and giving him the chance to treat me the way he believed I should be treated. It gave him the confidence to lead because I wasn't second-guessing every decision.

But to dispel any thoughts that I came out seeming needy in all of this, J also told me that he was attracted to my independence from the beginning. He knew I could take care of myself, and it made it more of a privilege for him that I let him in my life and let him do things for me. He also said that he breathed a sigh of relief on our first date because he knew I would not be a needy girl that called him three times a day.

Of course, a couple of months ago I called him at least four times in two hours — in my defense, he didn't answer until the fourth time — because I didn't have any hot water. He kindly rushed over, and it was once he got here that I found a card that said my gas had been turned off because the company switched out my meter three days earlier. But it just goes to show that somewhere along the way I let down my guard and started relying on him.

Timing

I haven't written much about J and how we met. Mostly, I've wanted to protect our privacy and avoid the trail of the world wide web. But it has no doubt been a big part of my life for the last eight months, and it seems odd to have left it out of this blog, especially since it's how we even met. So I'm going to be filling in the blanks in some random posts over the next few months.

In case you missed it, I let my sister write about me on this blog to include on Kelly's Korner's Show Us Your Singles. J's cousin's wife clicked on the link on Kelly's blog and got in touch with me about J. She and I emailed back and forth, and then she gave my information to J. He emailed and then called, and eight days later we went on a date. I'm still in awe of how it all came about. But J and I were talking recently about how perfect the timing was.

J had left his full-time job as an engineer for a construction company in town to have the chance to go in a different direction career-wise. In the meantime, he was finishing building a house, and when I say building, I mean he built it all himself. I had been told all of this ahead of time, and on our date he explained his unhappiness in his previous job and his aspirations for what he wanted to do next. And these weren't just vague plans, he was taking a class and actively applying for jobs.

I had been back in Columbia for six months and had my dream job. Work consumed me, but I loved it. However, in the months before I left Charlottesville, I was miserable in my job. I wasn't passionate about what I did, and it really was just a job that I felt stuck in. There were times in my job hunt that I wanted to walk away from that job without something else lined up. I wasn't in a position to do that, but the thought crossed my mind. Fortunately, God had me waiting until this dream job became an option and brought me to Columbia.

So when we were on our first date, I got where he was coming from. I understood why he left his job, and I was impressed that he was in a position to do that. Two years earlier, I probably would have written him off because he didn't have a job, but when we met, the unemployed thing didn't bother me. And just as he finished his house, the right opportunity came along for him, and he has a great job that he's enjoying.

On the other side, J says one of the reasons he was attracted to me was because I was so passionate about my job. I can definitely get on a soapbox about what I do these days, and I know I did that on our first date. But it wasn't a turnoff for him. He wasn't intimidated by my job or resentful of the fact that I care so much about it that it often consumes me. Since he started his new job back in May, we've discovered that we have similar work habits, i.e. we are both admitted workaholics. But again, a year earlier, I couldn't have cared less about my job. It's not possible for me not to do a job well, but instead of talking about how much I love my job, I would have been whining about how much I hated it, which probably would have been a turnoff for J.

So God picked this exact time to bring us together. Obviously, a big part of the timing is also that I actually picked up and moved halfway across the country six months earlier. But it was more than coincidence. God had each of our hearts in the right place when we met.

The proposal story (now with video)

Updated: I've added the video!

If you haven't seen it on Facebook, J and I got engaged! I gave a brief synopsis of how he did it, but I wanted to record the full story here. I was waiting for the video, but I still don't have it so this will have to do.

This summer J and I started talking about getting engaged and getting married. During our first conversation about it, he told me, "I already know how I'm going to ask." Over the last couple of months, we went ring shopping, talked about when we wanted the wedding and had some good laughs about how many comments he got from friends and family about when he would propose.

Before we got engaged, I wanted him to meet all my siblings. So we made a trip to Tennessee for Labor Day and then to South Carolina later in September. He also met my closest friends in all of our traveling that month.

Then it was just down to him talking to my dad. I knew he had done that when they were in town the weekend before. After that I was always prepared and completely suspicious, but he promised that he would surprise me. But I just knew that I would figure it out.

But there was nothing unusual about our date on Friday, and then Saturday he called and said he was tired from working on his deck so he'd just pick me up for church. When that happened, I was just resigned to the fact that he would propose the next weekend.

He picked me up for Sunday School and church. He taught Sunday School as normal, and we went into church. It was that Sunday that comes every fall when they talk about the budget and pledge cards. So a guy from the finance committee made an announcement, and then said that J was going to make an announcement. J is head of the building and grounds committee so it's not unusual for him to go up for an announcement, but he hadn't mentioned it to me.

He started talking about planned renovations for the second half of the basement and how they were planning to raise money for it. Then he thanked people for their help completing the first phase of the renovation. He started talking about how that was a time he really had to trust God because he had given up his job. He read Romans 8:28 and said God had blessed him with a great job but more importantly God had brought a wonderful woman into his life. I started to think it was getting a little personal, and then he asked me to come down to the front.

He got down on one knee with the ring and said, "Lizzie, I love you. Will you marry me?" Stunned, I said yes, hugged him and put on the beautiful ring.

He managed to completely shock me with his proposal, and I absolutely loved it.

Our church is a small, baptist church, and there were probably 80 people there on Sunday. This is the church J grew up in, and several of his family members attend. These are people that have prayed for J his whole life. When I showed up, they embraced me and loved me and prayed for us as a couple. I never would have thought I would want such a public proposal, but I was so glad all of those people got to witness it.

The hard part was sitting through the rest of the service with the ring on and not immediately calling everyone I know. But it helped the shock wear off some.

Of course, I was curious if this was the way he had planned to ask all along. J said it was. He had decided months ago that he wanted to glorify God in his proposal and share it with this special group of people. He had a little bit of help on the inside, but only three other people knew that it was going to happen.

To top off the day, we went to lunch, and I spent most of it talking on the phone to people. But there was a guy behind us that overheard, and at the end of our meal, our waitress brought over two glasses of champagne and said the guy had sent them over and paid for our meal.

Hello fall

As predicted, the last month and a half have been crazy busy. I have lots of things to share about travels and other fun stuff, but I also have two papers to write, grading and class prep, and more on my to do list. So for today I'm just sharing some pictures of how the leaves have turned in my yard.

It rained most of Wednesday, but around 5:30 p.m. the sun started to peek through, and the colors just looked perfect from my window. I pulled out my good camera and went out in the yard to capture it.