Expectations

I tend to set high expectations — for events, things, people, myself and life in general. When I started thinking about blogging and how this would play out, I expected that I would be able to write three posts a week. I assumed that since prior to launching the blog I could immediately come up with 10 ideas, I would never run out of ideas. I then set an expectation for anyone who reads the blog that this would mostly be about cooking and recipes.

But I’m only two months in, and I’ve hit writer’s block. I will say that I am enjoying blogging more than I thought. Even though I write some at my job, it is not creative at all, and this has become an opportunity to enjoy writing. The fact I’ve shared it with you turned out to be a surprising bonus.

All of that to say, it’s my blog, and I have to free myself from these expectations and realize I can blog about whatever I want, whenever I want. So today’s post has nothing to do with cooking and probably won’t even have a point, but it’s basically what’s been swirling around in my mind this week.

It was a year ago that I first visited this city to interview for the job I now have. The dates aren’t exact, but it was graduation weekend, which is hard to miss around here, and that’s what is coming this weekend.

The interview came after several months of back and forth and then nothing and then more back and forth with the company. It also followed a time of major upheaval in my life. I had recently ended the only serious relationship I have ever been in, and a tornado caused damage to my apartment and took away a place of comfort for me (it was still livable, just inconvenient).

Looking back on it now, I realize that God used those things to open my mind, my heart and my eyes to new opportunities. This city was not on MY list of approved cities to move to, and this job was not exactly what I thought I wanted. To this day, I can’t think of a concrete reason why I sent off my resume to this company, but now that I’m here a year later, I know that it was God leading me down His path for my life.

And I feel so blessed. I am sometimes overwhelmed at the ways God has blessed me in the last year. Since graduating from college and leaving the sorority house and the campus ministry I was involved in, I’ve struggled with finding that group of Christian friends at the same stage of life as me. But here, God has blessed me with friends to fill that void I couldn’t quite place before, while at the same time bringing along others in various stages of life to bring wisdom and also friendship.

I’ve also found myself in a place of seeking after God more fully than I have in a while. But it’s not always pretty. I’ve found myself broken and convicted but also humbled as I struggle to fully accept God's gift of grace.
 
I still struggle with the things I feel are missing in my life. I finally feel like I’m in a place where I could stay, but I want to meet the man God has picked out for me to share this life with. I want the whole picture: husband, kids, house and dog. And I find myself being impatient and still doubting that God knows best.

Maybe I’m too sentimental or journalism has drilled in the significance of anniversaries of major events, but this time, I feel like God is trying to show me something. There have been times when I looked back over a certain period of time and thought things would be different or I would be closer to whatever goal I was aiming for at the time. But this week as I look back at the last year, I realize I wouldn’t change a thing. I see that every step of the last year has been prepared before me in ways I never could have imagined. And I know God is reminding me that it is better to let go of my expectations and put my trust in Him because He wants to bless me and can (and has) surpass my expectations if I let Him. 


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11